Beer # 1401-1462 / Day #198-204: North Dallas Forty Ouncer

Well, airlines do allow one Carry On

Welcome back, y’all!  After a decent amount of haggling, and a prior cancellation, our band Infest finally headed to Dallas, TX.  The power duo of Jesus “Jesse” Fuentes and Katerina Economou set up our weekend, booking us on a solid line up with a multitude of the best aggressive bands from Chicago, Austin & Dallas.  Fuentes is part of the ever-revolving door of Texans who tend to mix-and-match themselves in ever-changing combos in every heavy grindcore band in the state.  This guy plays drums and guitar, records bands, sets up shows… a regular Jesus Of All Trades.  His girlfriend & partner in crime Katerina is equally as hands-on with setting up logistics and whatever is needed to facilitate these local noisy events. 

We left LAX on Friday afternoon, and I knew the weekend would be good when one of the small airport bars offered cans of beer to go, including one I’ve never heard of:  The GOLDEN ROAD CARRY ON, a citrus ale that’s extremely heavy on the citrus, but I couldn’t have been more ecstatic in my nerdiness whilst taking this aboard our Southwest flight to El Paso. In spite of LAX being a major international hub, and Dallas being a major international hub, we were inexplicably booked with a stopover in El Paso.  Sadly, the El Paso airport completely lacked any local flavor on the suds front, not even a freakin’ Lone Star beer, not to mention there was no decent food.  The connecting flight to Dallas’ Love Field could not have come soon enough. 

First thing I noticed, everyone actually does say “Y’all”. 

"But Officer, I wasn't laughing.."

“I’d like to welcome y’all to Dallas.”

“Y’all have a nice evening.”

We “all” rolled through the airport, amused by the police attempting to look authoritative on their comical Segways, and hopped into Jesse & Katerina’s baller black luxury rental vehicle. Thanks to Katerina’s savvy Groupon skills, we were hooked up in a swanky hotel by The Galleria in North Dallas.  Like really swanky.  Like scumbags-like-us-clearly-don’t-belong-here swanky. You’d think after playing music for 30 years this would be second nature, but it’s not. I’ve spent my touring life sleeping on filthy floors at the worst house on the block in the worst part of town.  I’m still humbled at moments like this, but I wasn’t about to complain. The cherry on top was the lobby bar loaded with six Texas beers on tap. While rooms were being sorted out, I lounged in the lobby on a white leather chair sipping a toothsome LOST GOLD IPA from Austin’s REAL ALE BREWING. I shouldn’t get used to this. But I easily could.

Like a glowing Xanadu it appears

After checking in, we all piled into the pimpmobile and headed to the Lower Greenville neighborhood to check out some local grindcore bands playing at Taqueria Chichen Itza, which is exactly what it sounds like:  A one-room taqueria, not much larger than the actual tortillas they’re serving. What they didn’t serve was alcohol, but this venue is BYOB-friendly, so we headed to the corner store a half block away. However, in the opposite direction of the liquor store there was a glowing neon row of bars, with the closest building touting itself as a Bottle Shop.  Whaaaa? Sure enough, I had stumbled upon World Beer Company, a wall to wall bottle shop with 22 unique taps. The good news is they were open.  The bad news is it was last call. Matt Domino was right behind me and we snuck in for last call for a couple high-quality, high-octane pints…. the MARTIN HOUSE BREWING PRETZEL STOUT and the (512) BREWING COMPANY PECAN PORTER, a beer highly recommended to me by Harley The Vendome Cicerone back home. The vibe was perfect, both beers were excellent, but they were closing up shop and we had no choice but to leave. What’s the old adage… “It’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.”  Oh, World Beer Co., parting is such sweet sorrow.

Next stop was across the street at the mildly douchey Libertine Bar, a spot with a multitude of Texas taps posted, but half of which were unavailable when I ordered them.  Joe Denunzio got the last of the OMMEGANG BELGIAN INDEPENDENCE DAY IPA and I got a taste before I went inside and waited 15 minutes for pours of the ROGNESS BREWING BEARDY GUARD and COMMUNITY BEER COMPANY ESB.  We loitered outside with our pints, but tensions rose as Domino got nasty looks from a blonde sitting across from us… nasty because she made the decision to hit the town commando… meaning no underpants, just a short skirt, and her wizard sleeve flapping in the breeze.  And yet it was everyone else’s fault for actually noticing she was sans panties. Look lady, y’all should wear some skivvies next time!

Gettin' a taste of Dallas

We headed back to the taqueria to check out some grinding noise from Creator/Destroyer, a full-throttle aural assault featuring Fuentes in the line up, as well as my old pal Dorian Rainwater.  I tried ordering food, but the cook told me, “We’re out of all meats, except ham.”  Who’s ever heard of a ham taco?  And the nearby stores stopped selling beer at midnight.  Good to know, expect for the fact that it’s now 1am.  I hit the row of bars again, and fought a crowd of frat folks noisier than Creator/Destroyer to get a pint of the well-worth-it & skunky ODELL MYRCENARY IPA.  1:30am, last stop and last call at Greenville Ave Pizza Company for a couple scrumptious slices and a forgettable pint of BRECKENRIDGE AGAVE WHEAT ALE.

Our whole team was tipsy, and headed back in the pimp ride, all the while Bobby K. fought off carsickness (which we were convinced is more of a self-induced phobia) from the far back seat. 

We must drink by Any Means Necessary

I awoke Saturday morning, fresh as a daisy.  Or at least as fresh as a daisy that’s been mercilessly trampled multiple times. Today’s agenda was to meet up with my old friend Chris Thackaberry, a UK native I first met in London back in 1999 through our shared affinity of fast hardcore music, and who strangely enough now resides in Wylie, TX.  Thacka has adopted the Texas lifestyle with a big T, driving one of the most massive white trucks in the state.  The only thing missing was a gun rack. Unlike the wahoo persona of his vehicle, Thackaberry is the most warm-hearted, friendly, and generous individuals you would ever hope to meet.  He picked me up and shuttled me to Deep Ellum Brewing to check out their taps during their short window of Noon-3pm pouring.  As we weaved through this endlessly sprawling metropolis, he enlightened me to the oddball state liquor laws.  We discussed Dry counties (he lives in one, no liquor is sold whatsoever), Damp counties (beer and wine only), and Wet counties (everything’s for sale, but at specific hours). Apparently, most breweries are not allowed to sell taps directly to the public, so they get around this by selling “brewery tours” and offering a “free” tasting at the end of the tour.  Sure enough, we rolled up to a massive crowd at DEEP ELLUM BREWING.  With only a short three hour window, attendees need to get their drink on in a timely manner.  There was a live band, a food truck, and bustling throngs that were nearly shoulder to shoulder.  No tasters, no flights.  The only option was to purchase a pint glass which came with three wooden nickel drink tokens.  So, this was their “work around”, to avoid selling beer directly to the public… we’re trading tokens for each pour, not exchanging money.  Come to think of it, I had a similar experience at Jester King Brewing last summer.  It was all making sense.

Deep in the heart of Ellum

I tried everything they had on tap, which wasn’t much… the DOUBLE BROWN STOUT, DALLAS BLONDE, DEEP ELLUM IPA, and their PALE ALE.  All were decent, the IPA being the best of the four. No specialty taps.  And no flagship DREAM CRUSHER DOUBLE IPA, thus my dreams were indeed trod upon. 

My old pal Jack Barfield made the roadtrip up from Austin and met us at the brewery.  We drank, listened to the mediocre cover band in the courtyard, and soaked up the unseasonably mild weather.  I dreaded Dallas this time of year, expecting a thoroughly humid, soggy, and boiling hot weekend of which Texas is infamous for.  Instead we were treated to a rare stretch of overcast 70s weather which was nicer than what I left behind in California.  It was 2pm and I hadn’t eaten a thing.  My only option for my second meal, for the second time:  Pizza. 

Winning the Four Corners lotteria

At 3pm they gave us the bum’s rush, and we flowed into the street with the stream of tipsy Texans.  Next stop was near the venue we were playing tonight, FOUR CORNERS BREWING.  More baffling was that the liquor laws were different here than at Deep Ellum.  Four Corners actually had a comfortable tasting room in the brewery and directly sold samplers & pints. I grabbed a flight of four impressive brews, the LOCAL BUZZ, BOSS LADY RUSTIC RED, plus the fantastic BLOCK PARTY PORTER and EL CHINGON IPA.  Overall, I enjoyed 4C way more than Deep Ellum.  The mellow vibe was more akin to what I’m used to in SoCal.

Time to head back to the hotel, pick up my bandmates, and get ready for tonight’s gig.  Being the Texas gentlemen that they are, both Barfield and Thackaberry brought with them a healthy assortment of local flavor for ample sampling.  We had a couple hours before the doors opened at the spot we were playing, so just enough time to kick off a Room 624 Tasting Party of our own.  We opened eight different beers and split them between four of us, with Thackaberry barely sipping more than a drop since he volunteered to drive.  Several offerings from REAL ALE, an astonishingly good SHINER RUBY REDBIRD, a SOUTHERN STAR PINE BELT ALE, an excellent Belgian style white ale WHITE RABBIT from INDEPENDENCE BREWING, and one of the weekend’s crown jewels, the BLAKKR collaboration Imperial Black Ale from 3 FLOYDS / SURLY / REAL ALE (many thanks Mr. Barfield!).  Pleased, but not too soggy, we headed to the venue.

Room 624 Tasting Party:  Act One

Speaking of soggy, our original venue, Diablo Ranch, had been flooded out a few days prior, due to a squall of massive thunderstorms.  With the Ranch underwater, Fuentes scrambled & found the Vice Palace as a last minute replacement venue.  This less-than-elegant “Palace” is a cavernous warehouse that could have easily fit 3,000 people.  We weren’t expecting 3,000 people, but it would have to do.  No idea what this place used to be, but the walls inside were covered with a dense, mysterious, furry looking substance that I was praying wasn’t asbestos.  This location was so enormous that bands just drove their vehicles straight into the heart of the building to unload their gear.  There was a small stage and sound system at one end of the room that was blasting noisy tunes while everyone prepared for the show.  Strangely enough, it took me a minute to realize the house music was actually my old band Spazz, from an album I haven’t fully listened to in close to two decades.  It was an oddly disconcerting, vaguely nightmarish & surreal feeling to hear material that I had written and recorded, of which I barely had a hint of recognition or recollection.   

He did.

I walked a few blocks down for a quick, unsatisfactory dinner at Hofmann Hots, a hot dog joint with a million double-entendre Weiner slogans plastered on every square inch of the building.  The dog I ate conjured a sense memory of 4th Grade hot lunches, and elementary school classmates puking on their desks.  Well, at least my third meal in Dallas wasn’t pizza.

The show kicked off with a solid line up of Texas grind-hardcore-thrash-power-violence bands, each one more punishing than the one before them…. Mean & Ugly, Lacerations, Chest Pain, Mindless, Creator/Destroyer.  Next was Weekend Nachos who had just arrived that morning from Chicago.  They blazed through their set in a shower of miscellaneous smokebombs and fireworks.  This crowd was small but savage, primitive.  I saw chunks of the ceiling drifting down lazily through the haze, all the while praying that I was not catching lung cancer, or about to perish in an inferno lit by a wayward firecracker.  Infest hit the stage and we cranked out a lukewarm set, not the worst, but not the best.  Poor sound, more fireworks, sweat, mayhem, blood on the floor… so a good time had by all. 

Denunzio approved.

After some hand shaking, picture taking, and soggy pats on the back, the small but mighty crowd was gone, and we were in the parking lot alone, being bitten by unseen winged creatures.  Wait, what’s the location of the after-show?  Shit.  Thankfully our room still contained a bounty of unsampled local brews, so we capped off the evening with Part 2 of the Room 624 Tasting Party, highlighted by the weekend’s finest brew:  RAHR & SONS BOURBON BARREL AGED WINTER WARMER, a dark and dense, slightly sweet, thoroughly dominating Texas oil slick of a beer. 

Sunday I awoke a much fresher daisy than the morning prior.  After a stiff coffee and a scone, it was apparent we would need to check out soon, and there were still a decent amount of unopened, unique beers in the fridge.  Too early?  Hmmm, one of them WAS labeled as a “Breakfast Brew”.  Well, if you insist. 

If you look very closely you can still see it

Matt Domino and Crazy Legs Bob headed out to the Waffle House, enduring a barrage of “Awful House” jokes.  Barfield offered to drive me and Denunzio around for a few hours before heading to the airport, so we hit the quintessential Dallas tourist spot: Dealey Plaza – The location of JFK’s assassination, an event rivaled only by Roswell as the grand poobah of all conspiracy theories.  As much as I didn’t think it would affect me, it was eerily humbling to stand on a site so familiar, one I’ve seen thousands of times throughout my life via a grainy, Zapruder home movie.  The book depository is still there.  The grassy knoll is still there, crassly identified with a massive yellow “GRASSY KNOLL” banner.  And there are two painted “X”s in the street, locations of the first shot and the second shot.  Avoiding hucksters who were selling conspiracy newsletters or recruiting visitors for unnecessary tour packages, and watching families run into the middle of the street to mug for photos over each “X” was uncomfortable, but also typically American in its own way.  The only thing missing was a corporate sponsor: “The JFK Assassination Site – Sponsored by Taco Bell and Monster Energy Drink”.

Poser.

Sticking to this downtown neighborhood, we hit Sonny Bryan’s Smokehouse for what turned out to be mediocre BBQ, highlighted only by the fact I got to try one of the local favorites recommended by several friends, the delicious PETICOLAS BREWING VELVET HAMMER, a smooth drinking, deep red, strong ale.  We got to the airport early enough to relax and enjoy a couple more pre-boarding pints including the roasty, dark, malty SAINT ARNOLD BREWING SANTO black kolsch. Not sure why the airport bar insisted on showing endless CNN coverage of the recently downed Malaysia jetliner. Not the most prudent of viewing choices for a terminal full of passengers. Flying home, seated next to the one woman on the plane who would never stop talking even if you threatened her with a white-hot branding iron, I realized this was my first trip to the Lone Star State when I didn’t subject myself to Lone Star beer.  Considering Lone Star is one of the worst beers in the country, and I had just sampled some of the best beers Texas has to offer, it was a fair trade-off.  Vaya con dios, Tejas. Turns out y’all know what you’re doing with your brewing.

Continuous plane crash coverage on the airport bar TV, right before I board a plane. Good choice.

The beering continues…

Thursday 7/17 – New release tasting at Vendome and a couple at home:

1401 - BOULEVARD SAISON BRETT (2014) - A freshly manicured garden in a glass, no overwhelming pucker, tart but smooth.

1402 - STONE BREWING ENJOY BY 08.16.14 IPA - Flawless and fresh as always, a real man's IPA, definitely related to the cannabis family.

1403 - ROUGH DRAFT BREWING 2ND DRAFT AMERICAN MANHATTAN ALE - Supposed to be homage to the Manhattan cocktail, tastes like Brach's chocolate covered cherries to me, though not unpleasant.

1404 - BOULEVARD LOVE CHILD NO. 4 - The beautiful mutant offspring of all things wild, funky and tart. Good one.

1405 - BROUWERIJ DE MOLEN / ANCHORAGE COLLABORATION MUD & FUNK - Not at all what I expected, tastes nothing like an imperial stout, and everything like an acidic red wine.

1406 - HERMITAGE BREWING ALE OF THE IMP - I bought one of these about 4-5 years ago and it was horrific. A friend insisted I try it again. Not horrific at all. Seriously great DIPA. Thanks for not being terrible anymore, Hermitage. And thanks for insisting I give this brewery another try, Chris Wilder.

1407 - DE STRUISE BROUWERS PANNEPOT (2011) - Ridiculous how excellent this is, tart like a wine, well rounded and malty beeriness, this is incredible.

1408 - BEAR REPUBLIC BREWING BIG BEAR BLACK STOUT - Decent, I taste the hops more than anything, could be even inkier for my tastes.

Here's another long-winded story, y'all...

Friday 7/18 – LAX but mostly Dallas

1409 - HEINEKEN RIO DE JANEIRO CITY EDITION – What’s this about a ‘Shitty Edition’?

1410 - GOLDEN ROAD CARRY ON CITRUS ALE - Makes me happy to buy this @ LAX and carry it on the plane. You made me a very pleased man, Golden Road.

1411 - RAHR & SONS TEXAS RED - Decent way to start our weekend in Dallas, six pack from a gas station.  Not bad, but things can only get better.

1412 - REAL ALE BREWING LOST GOLD IPA - Have I mentioned how much I love TX yet? Killer IPA! Hoppy but balanced by the grains, y'all.

1413 - (512) BREWING COMPANY PECAN PORTER – The shiznit. Highly recommended by Harley The Vendome Cicerone back home, but I didn’t expect to actually find it.  An Austin brewery on tap at World Beer Co.

1414 - MARTIN HOUSE BREWING PRETZEL STOUT – At World Beer Co.  Sweet, malty, interesting concept, but the taste is not distinctly pretzely as touted.

1415 – OMMEGANG BELGIAN INDEPENDENCE DAY IPA – Libertine Bar. The keg tapped out with Joe Denunzio’s glass, but I got a taste.  Great Belgian style IPA, and the best hoppy beer I’ve had from Ommegang.

1416 - COMMUNITY BEER COMPANY ESB – Libertine Bar. Palatable but not memorable.

1417 - ROGNESS BREWING BEARDY GUARD – Libertine Bar. Is it weirder that there’s a Biere de Garde coming out of TX, or that the brewery is from a town in TX named Pflugerville?

1418 - ODELL BREWING MYRCENARY DOUBLE IPA – Blind Butcher bar, 1am outside in surprisingly perfect weather. Wonderfully skunkified double IPA. 

1419 - BRECKENRIDGE BREWERY AGAVE WHEAT – Meh. Nothing to write home about, nor blog about. A pint to accompany 2am pizza in downtown Dallas.

Saturday 7/19 – Dallas, sans J.R. Ewing

1420 - DEEP ELLUM BREWING DOUBLE BROWN STOUT – Decent, more akin to an English style stout.

1421 - DEEP ELLUM BREWING DALLAS BLONDE – I picture an actual Dallas Blonde as big and voluptuous.  This beer isn’t big and voluptuous.  It’s mild and nondescript.

1422 - DEEP ELLUM BREWING DEEP ELLUM IPA – Excellent hoppy IPA, too bad they weren’t serving their Double IPA.

1423 - DEEP ELLUM BREWING PALE ALE – S’OK.

1424 - FOUR CORNERS BREWING LOCAL BUZZ – Delicious rye golden ale brewed with locally sourced honey, gotta love that.

1425 - FOUR CORNERS BREWING EL CHINGON IPA – A combo of hops and distinct malt, one of my faves.

1426 - FOUR CORNERS BREWING BLOCK PARTY PORTER – The best of the four Four Corners I tried, roasty and chocolatey and smoooove on the finish. Excellent.

1427 - FOUR CORNERS BREWING BOSS LADY RUSTIC RED – Mildly hoppy red, not mind-blowing, but quaffable.

1428 - INFAMOUS BREWING HIJACK CREAM ALE – Not bad, but I never expect greatness from cream ales.

1429 - INDEPENDENCE BREWING WHITE RABBIT – This was a standout of all the Austin cans & bottles from Jack Barfield, a Belgian style white ale, so damn good.

1430 - REAL ALE BREWING HANS' PILS – OK.

1431 - REAL ALE BREWING BREWER'S CUT NO. 015 SIGNATURE HOP PALE ALE – Real hop bite minus the bitterness, tastes a bit like corn on the cob.

1432 - REAL ALE / 3 FLOYDS / SURLY COLLABORATION BLAKKR IMPERIAL BLACK ALE – A worship-worthy collaboration of North meets South, a superior imperial black ale with heavy hops and chocolate goin’ on, plus at 9.99% ABV it’ll knock you on your ass if you’re not a professional.

1433 - REAL ALE BREWING BREWHOUSE BROWN ALE – Decent, malty, and sessionable.

1434 - SHINER RUBY REDBIRD – I have an aversion to Shiner Bock, but I couldn’t believe I didn’t hate this.  It’s actually quite good, killer for a hot TX day. Not overly sweet.  Grapefruit without the heavy acidity, and a sharp ginger bite.  Good one.

1435 - SOUTHERN STAR BREWING PINE BELT PALE – Nice coppery, easy drinking pale with some bite.

1436 - AUSTIN BEERWORKS HEAVY MACHINERY DOUBLE IPA – So much writing on the can, it’s of Biblical proportions.  Awesome crunchy IPA.

1437 - SAINT ARNOLD BREWING 20TH ANNIVERSARY ALE – Tastes like it’s a hybrid of barleywine meets a Belgian quad. It’s 2am and this is delicious.

1438 - REAL ALE BREWING DEVIL'S BACKBONE TRIPEL – Belgian style, golden and satisfying.

1439 - RAHR & SONS BOURBON BARREL AGED WINTER WARMER - A dark and dense, slightly sweet, thoroughly dominating Texas oil slick.  Best beer of the trip.  I’m forever grateful to Chris Thackaberry for hooking us up with this bottle.

1440 - REAL ALE BREWING FULL MOON PALE RYE ALE – Good one, with that sharp & distinct rye bite.

1441 - REAL ALE BREWING FIREMAN'S #4 BLONDE ALE – Described in my notebook as “whatever”.

Sunday 7/20 – Dallas tastings, and back to LA

1442 - MARTIN HOUSE BREWING DAY BREAK 4 GRAIN BREAKFAST BREW – Did you say “breakfast”?  OK, if you insist. Ale brewed with honey and milk sugar. Sweet and oatmealy.  Interesting for a taste, but I wouldn’t want the full can.

1443 - MARTIN HOUSE BREWING RUBBERNECK RED – Tasty freakin’ red with some good full-bodied hops going on.  Apparently someone from The Toadies is involved in this brewery.  I couldn’t name a Toadies song, but I guess that gives ‘em some sort of street cred?

1444 - GRAPEVINE CRAFT BREWERY LAKEFIRE RYE PALE ALE – So-so. Surprisingly, it doesn’t have that rye bite I was expecting.

1445 - REAL ALE BREWING WHITE – Wheaty and tasty.  A good Nooner beer.

1446 - PETICOLAS BREWING VELVET HAMMER – Both smooth and powerful as the name implies.  Is it an imperial red?  All I know is this would be one of my “go to” beers if I lived here.

1447 - SAINT ARNOLD BREWING SANTO – I got lucky to find a damn good airport beer.  A black kolsch with dark malt depth. Refreshing.

1448 - HARPOON BREWERY IPA – Very tasty hop attack with a back end malt finish, well-balanced and comforting.

1449 - KARBACH BREWING HOPADILLO IPA – Making my Houston layover more tolerable, a nice, dense, hoppy beast.

1450 - SAINT ARNOLD BREWING SUMMER PILS – Good although not distinct.

1451 - CORONA EXTRA – I expected it to be pointless, and it is. But at least there’s finally an airline beer I haven’t had, in order to break the Bud & Heineken monotony.

Monday 7/21 - Home

1452 - COORS BREWING BATCH 19 PRE-PROHIBITION STYLE LAGER – I was expecting the worst, but this was surprisingly drinkable. It’s not too far removed from “old man beer”, but goes fine as an inoffensive accompaniment to spicy Mexican food.  Thanks for the bottle, Kelly Reese.

1453 - MENDOCINO BREWING BLACK IPA SEASONAL – I’m a fan of this style, although this one wasn’t distinct.

1454 - BOULDER BEER COMPANY MOJO INDIA PALE ALE - Decent, but also semi-soapy.  I wouldn’t drink it again by choice.

Tuesday 7/22 – Home, digging into the long-awaited Beer Camp collection

1455 - HENNINGER PREMIUM LAGER - My wife found this at the 99 Cent Store. Surprisingly it's pretty decent, your average lager but better than Bud.

1456 - SIERRA NEVADA / 3 FLOYDS COLLABORATION BEER CAMP CHICO KING PALE ALE - Very tasty hoppy brau, but tastes very much in line with trademark Sierra Nevada hopped beers.  Good, but I expected an imperial over-the-top beer with FFF involved.

1457 - SIERRA NEVADA / OSKAR BLUES COLLABORATION BEER CAMP CANFUSION RYE BOCK - Heavy rye and citrus bite, smooooth finish, tasty and somewhat unique collab.

1458 - SIERRA NEVADA / NINKASI COLLABORATION BEER CAMP DOUBLE LATTE - My fave of the collabs so far, fantastic coffee milk stout, creamy, roasty, and damn near perfect.

1459 - SIERRA NEVADA / NEW GLARUS COLLABORATION BEER CAMP THERE AND BACK ENGLISH STYLE BITTER - Very tasty, hoppy English bitter with mild roasty and citrusy bits. A fine collab.

Wednesday 7/23 – Home, exploring more Beer Camp

1460 - SIERRA NEVADA / CIGAR CITY COLLABORATION BEER CAMP YONDER BOCK - Didn't get a lot of the fruitiness, but very dense & bready. Still a good collaboration.

1461 - SIERRA NEVADA / FIRESTONE WALKER COLLABORATION BEER CAMP TORPEDO PILSNER - Pretty mild, hoppy pils collab. Actually, my first similar choice would be the Firestone Walker Pivo Pils.

1462 - SIERRA NEVADA / BELL'S COLLABORATION BEER CAMP MAILLARD'S ODYSSEY - Deep, rich, dense dark ale. I wasn't expecting greatness from a Bell's collab, but this is one of my faves from the pack.

Beer #959-1,001 / Day #153-157: Rarefied Air - The Quest For Beer #1000

"They’re men, dear. If they stop competing, then they die.” – JoBeth Williams in “The Big Year”

Upon the conclusion of my original 2013 Big Year In Beer, I publicly laid out the ground rules for the Big Year which I would again be pursuing in 2014.  At least two of my friends, that I’m aware of, accepted it as a challenge and successfully kept pace ahead of me for the first five months of this year.  I blogged my frustrations about trailing behind two men who I considered to have substantial advantages over me:  1. Randy Carncross for working at a brew pub and attaining endless access to new beer all day every day.   2. Chris W. who quite honestly can afford to purchase every beer in the Western Hemisphere, and has the temperament to stow them all away in his stomach in mass quantities... kinda like a Conehead except he’s not as pointy. 

The original Three. Too bad there's no breweries on Attu.

After this past weekend in Paso at the Firestone Walker Invitational Beer Festival, and a few additional tastings along the way, I greatly increased my numbers.  I was sure that I had finally pulled into the lead ahead of both Randy and Chris, and before I knew it I was 42 beers short of the magical milestone of 1,000. 

1,000 different beers. It’s an arbitrary number, and there’s no prize, so why does hitting 1,000 seem like such a big deal?  I have no idea.  It just does.  

Another selfie? I thought you'd never ask!

Being the first to reach quadruple digits is like Neil Armstrong stepping onto the lunar surface.  It’s uncharted territory, and many will follow, but there is a certain satisfaction knowing you’re the first. 

With this milestone in mind, I pushed myself this week to sample more than I ordinarily would on an average week.  The last thing I need is some pesky pal sneaking up and hitting 1,000 before me.  Each day I was focused on my goal, with the eye of the tiger, and the belly of a hobo.  Establishments serving affordable flights and tasters were my only chance to barrel through 42 different beers during the week. 

I launched my attack:

*Tony’s Darts Away, Burbank – Two visits, some of the best beer around and one of my favorite spots which constantly rotates their selection.

*Infest practice – My weekly band practice. I asked Matt Domino to bring a couple singles of what he brands “American Shit Lager”. He brought some shit, that’s for sure, but I still sampled it, and it was new to my list.

BJ's: Turns out the name is false advertising

*BJ’s, Burbank – They serve a long list of proprietary brews.  I dropped in at 10:45pm on a Tuesday evening for a nitecap after practice, thinking it would be a quiet place for a couple flights. The place was packed, for no reason.  Apparently this is where Burbankeans go to party.  Bleached blonde whores, dumpy geeks, muscular bros in Affliction gear, old Armenian families, you name it… maybe everyone doesn’t need a beer as much as I do, but clearly everyone needs a Pazookie.

*Boneyard Bistro, Studio City – When the boss says he wants to take you out after work, you say “Yes”, but the deal is even sweeter when it’s at a place with constantly changing primo taps & incredible BBQ, and you’re watching your home team in the Stanley Cup. All of the planets were aligned in my favor.

*Vendome Liquors, North Hollywood – Harley the Cicerone is a saint for organizing multiple beer tastings that are both varied and affordable. He recently started a program of New Release tastings every Thursday.  Perfect timing for me.

With focus and determination, despite my woes and self-pity, halfway into the year I’ve now pulled into the lead.  I’m the first to reach Beer #1,000 in 2014. 

Am I the new Mozart?

Or Sandy Komito?

Or Sir Edmund Hillary? 

Maybe not. But the 1,000s are rarefied air, especially this early in the year.
Follow me if you must, but be sure to hire a Sherpa.

The beering continues....

6/2 – Tony’s Darts Away samplers, and one at home

959 – LAGUNITAS SF FUSION DOUBLE IPA – Full bodied with a lingering hoppy finish.

Tony's is No baloney

960 – CORONADO HOPPY DAZE IPA – After SF Fusion this one almost tastes rural, like a hoppy wheat field.  Great stuff.

961 – GOLDEN ROAD GET UP OFFA THAT BROWN WITH COFFEE ON CASK – Cask conditioning seems to take the acidic bite away from the coffee, resulting in a cleaner coffee beer. Dangerously easy to drink. I could chug this all day.

962 – MODERN TIMES BLACK HOUSE BOURBON OATMEAL COFFEE STOUT – First off, a Modern Times beer not from a can?  Cool.  Second, Tony’s Darts Away serves this at the perfect temp… not too cold, and not as warm as the cask beer above. I’m tasting the subtleties of everything in the name of this beer, and I’m guessing they would be buried if it was served too cold. Truly an outstanding beer.

963 – GOLDEN ROAD DART’S AWAY IPA – Nice one! Crisp hop bite, heavy dense orangey citrusness

964 – HAVEN BREWING UNFILTERED IPA – Mellow mouthfeel, sharp hop presence. I haven’t had any of Haven’s proprietary beers in over a year, and clearly they’ve stepped up their game. The best Haven beer to date.

From the sublime to the ridiculous

965 - STRAND BREWING HARVEST BALL ORANGE WITBEER – Deep orange color, refreshing, I had this while swimming on a hot summer’s eve.

6/3 – A good one at home, two bad ones at Infest practice, eight decent tasters at BJ’s

966 - HUMBOLDT BREWING 500 B.C. DOUBLE IPA – As majestic as an ancient redwood, this is a mighty imperial that towers over the rest

967 - KING COBRA MALT LIQUOR – I feel like I should be wearing baggy shorts and spray painting graffiti

968 - MILLER BREWING STEEL RESERVE 211 – Unparalleled excellence in brewing… but enough talk about Three Floyds…

969 - BJ'S JEREMIAH RED – Mildly fruity for a red.  So-so.

970 - BJ'S HOPSTORM IPA – Maybe more of a light sprinkle, but mildly hoppy and better than expected.

971 - BJ'S HAPPY SCOTSMAN – Limited release, served too cold, but it’s a much better beer when it warms up. A mild Scottish ale with barely detectable hops.

972 - BJ'S TATONKA STOUT – Again, decent when it warms up a bit, chocolatey smooth maltiness, would make a nice ice cream float

Boneyard frivolity

973 - BJ'S GOLIATH IMPERIAL RED ALE – Their best offering, hop forward and wonderfully dense mouthfeel

974 - BJ'S PIRANHA PALE ALE – moderate hop definition, pretty good

975 - BJ'S NUTTY BREWNETTE – heavy roasted malts, perty good

976 - BJ'S PM PORTER – on nitro, smooth and roasty, as nutty as the brown

6/4 – First Kings/Rangers Stanley Cup game, happy co-workers, many samplers at Boneyard Bistro

977 - HESS BREWING JUCUNDUS WHEAT ALE – Decent wit, nice & orangey

978 - MONKISH BREWING GALAXY DEFENDER PALE ALE – Tasty Belgian style pale ale

979 - EL SEGUNDO BREWING HOP TANKER DOUBLE IPA – El Segundo just keeps crankin’ out the superior IPAs. This one is a Double. Keep that conveyor belt rollin’, guys…

980 - DOUBLE MOUNTAIN MOLTEN LAVA DOUBLE IPA – Didn’t really dig their standard IPA, but this Imperial wins some Brownie points.

981 - NOBLE ALE WORKS ENGLISH 101 – Solid, nutty English strong ale

Boneyard samplers in front of actual bones

982 - EL SEGUNDO BREWING STATION NO. 1 AMBER – Shit, they just keep releasing all good stuff. I need to get off my ass & visit El Segundo already.

983 - BROUWERIJ ST. BERNARDUS ABT 12 BELGIAN QUAD -  Sweet, fruity, malty powerhouse of a Belgian quad.  Too good.

984 - ALESMITH RAMBLIN' RYE – Superior, rich, malty, deep brown rye beer.

985 - THE BRUERY HOTTENROTH – Supposed to be a Berliner Weisse, but I’m not getting the typical sourness. There’s some pucker from the heavy lemon, but it’s more like a summer shandy.

986 - ALESMITH SUMMER YULESMITH – The mother effin’ bomb of Double IPAs.

987 - HESS BREWING HABITUS RYE BEER – Very grain-forward, if that makes any sense. Tastes like a field of rye being stone ground for the bread maker. Very good.

988 - CUVEE DE JACOBINS ROUGE – Whoa, good and SOUR, mildly funky like an old red wine.

989 - SCALDIS NOEL – A nice, muscular Belgian Strong.  Super sweet malts, anise, chocolate.

990 - REISSDORF KOLSCH – Excellent! Damn rich for a kolsch. This is what beer should be.

God bless you Harley the Cicerone

991 - ST. LOUIS GUEUZE FOND TRADITION – Horrifically weird.  Major pucker with a blender full of green beans. Super odd. Can’t shake the funk and the spicy green veggie aftertaste.

6/5 – Vendome, Harley the Cicerone’s excellent new release beer tasting, and a so-so bottle at home

992 – BELCHING BEAVER RABID BEAVER BITE RYE IPA – Great bite, creamy mouthfeel, evenly balanced hops and rye, love it!

993 – STONE ENJOY BY 7-04-14 DOUBLE IPA – As perfect as all others in the series.  Enjoy NOW!

994 – BOULDER BREWING 35TH ANNIVERSARY BLACK IPA– Big, roasted malt and hop collision.  Excellent!

995 – STONE STOCHASTICITY QUADROTRITICALE – Slightly sweet, slightly fruity, rich quad that isn’t too heavy or syrupy, just right

996 - OMMEGANG GAME OF THRONES FIRE AND BLOOD RED ALE - I dunno, I don't really dig it. The previous G.O.T. beers were solid, but this one has some wobbly legs on it.

#999 - A pint of Alpiney perfection

6/6 - A few more at Tony's and a big finale at home with the family on a Friday night. This is how it should be:

997 - BEAR REPUBLIC CUVEE DE BUBBA - A sour that lies somewhere between a Sweet Tart and bubble bath soap. I don't love it.

998 - SIERRA NEVADA HOPTIMUM - Their seasonal Double IPA that I look forward to every year. One of the best.

999 - ALPINE HOPPY BIRTHDAY - Never had this one, and never seen it on tap until two days ago. Thanks to Green Flash helping them boost production their Southland distribution is much wider. That said, who knows if this one will end up as limited as most of their other famous IPAs, so instead of a sampler glass, I ordered a full pint at Tony's.  It's on par with their other A-List IPAs. 

1000 - ALPINE PURE HOPPINESS - Complete & utter hop supremacy from SoCal's most sought after brewery.

1001 - INLAND EMPIRE BREWING PEPIN THE SHORT PORTER - Never heard of this brewer before, and I bought this on a whim because it was something new, and it was inexpensive.  I wasn't expecting much, but thankfully I was proven wrong.  Like, really wrong. Big time.  This is a fantastic, well-rounded, full-bodied, deliciously roasty, chocolatey, portly porter.  Now I'm determined to seek out their other releases.

You mean someone beat 732?

Beer #535-595 / Day #96-107 - CD in DC

Neither bright eyed nor bushy tailed

The African-American stripper ended up being a terrible stripper. First of all, she was fully-clothed. I'm not sure where I was, but this so-called strip-tease was just a 30-something woman with an afro singing along to a backing track of James Brown's "I Got The Feelin'".  Then she started doing magic tricks.  A large hoop ring was pierced through her bottom lip, and this in turn was looped through a large brass ring she was holding, but then magically they separated.  All performed without missing a lyric to this funky anthem.  Then the entire scene vanished while a constant beeping steadily grew in volume, until.... I woke up.
3:45am on Friday.
What the hell?
Oh, right.  I woke from a surreal dream to kick off yet another surreal real-life weekend with my bandmates in Infest.  This time our destination was Washington DC.  The show promoter who organized this Damaged City Fest we were playing, an old friend Chris Moore, sadly booked a 6:45am flight out of LAX for us, which meant we all got up at least 3 hours prior. We're all in our mid-to-late 40s and don't take kindly to this sort of thing, but we reluctantly schlepped our asses to the airport in time for our pre-dawn departure.  I count on drinking on the plane to help pass the time, but no such luck on this round.  6 in the morning is way too early to start, no matter who you are. Although with an hour layover in Cleveland, and a Great Lakes Brewing micropub directly in front of our gate at the airport, the hour seemed irrelevant and it was clearly not too early to start with a tasty Rye IPA and a few sips of their decent Porter.  All too soon, we were on a tiny commuter jet bouncing our way over to DC.  With a few steep drops and hairpin turns, we arrived at Ronald Reagan Airport.  Reagan, the old codger in the running for "Most Inept President Ever", but likewise, also owed a debt of gratitude as the primary linchpin of all classic early '80s hardcore punk - a great deal of which was spawned right here in the Nation's Capitol by the likes of the early Dischord bands.  After running into Chicago hardcore legends Crudos at the airport, and catching up a bit, we were off to our motel in Silver Spring, MD.

Red stains, this motel is safe, right?

Days Inn, in the heart of a shabby Ethiopian neighborhood.  It took them a while to find our reservations, then we spent an hour in the lobby while they figured out a major billing mishap.  Of course, it wasn't worth the wait.  The rooms were super shitty.  I haven't stayed in a crappier motel since we were in Miami a year ago.  Everything was dirty, stained. There were mysterious red stains in the middle of the carpet.  The brightness of the red was the only reason I wasn't convinced someone had been murdered in our room.  I texted my Wife to tell her how lousy this place was. She looked it up on Yelp, and informed me they had one star.  And just the day before someone posted a comment about how there were mice at this motel.  She suggested we move elsewhere.  I said, "What, and possibly miss out on some great stories?"

Old Man Beer

Joe Denunzio and I talked our bearded pal Alex Sanchez into driving us around to find a good spot to drink, before heading out to see some bands.  We settled on the Red Derby, a hipster establishment well-known for their 3rd floor rooftop tables and bar.  Their beer list was long, but nothing was on draught.  Cans only.  Denunzio and I kicked it off with some tallboys of Schlitz, the ultimate Old Man Beer.  Frankly, I ordered it because I didn't think they made it any more. For as much as we beer snobs love to slag everyday beer, Schlitz really isn't that freakin' bad. Seriously.  Neither is National Bohemian aka Natty Bo. And once Denunzio caught wind of their dollar Natty Bo special, that was about to expire in 10 minutes, he bought eight of them! We also grabbed a Yeungling, which compared to Natty Bo is watery and flavorless.  Natty Bo is a real man's cheap beer.  Sanchez didn't love the Maui Coconut Porter that he ordered, but I dug it, so I helped him finish it off.  I followed that up by choosing something random that can only be found on the East Coast, I went for the Butternut's Pork Slap Pale Ale from New York, which sorta tasted like a liquid Xmas tree.

Mmmm... bacon.....

We ditched the hipster enclave and headed over to the venue, St. Stephens Church.  This spot is legendary in DC hardcore history.  Many of the earliest, now-classic shows were held here in the early '80s... Minor Threat, Void, G.I., S.O.A., Youth Brigade (DC), The Faith, and so on.  And apparently, the father of the MacKaye brothers is an active senior member of this church (I saw his name on one of the offices).  Aside from the hellish experience of trying to find street parking in this neighborhood, St. Stephens was packed to the rafters with throngs of sweaty, geeky, excited, record-collecting kids.  No alcohol allowed, so I chugged water and checked out the scene. We were playing Saturday night, so tonight we had no obligations, and just got to check out bands and chit-chat with our fellow scenesters. The highlight for me was finally seeing Government Issue, part of the original first-wave DC hardcore bands. I never got to see them in '80s, so I was stoked to catch them playing a set of their earliest demo, 7", and comp material. While it was clear these gents have spent a considerable amount of time away from the HC underground, it was equally as clear they were having a good time.

Gov't Issue: Old, sloppy, and proud

They were sloppy, imperfect, and many of the between-song banter fell flat with a crowd that was predominantly half-to-a-third their age, but I loved every minute of it.  I figured it probably wasn't that much different than the show they would have put on 30 years ago.  Loose and not really giving a shit. Kudos to John Stabb and Co.!
Matt Domino finally awoke from his mouse-motel slumber and cabbed it to the church.  The two of us embarked on a long walk to hit the after-show early, over at The Pinch, a small establishment with decent taps, and bands playing in the basement.  Best beer on tap, and one of my favorites for the entire trip, was the Evolution Rise Up Stout, a coffee stout that I actually love... I've burnt out on coffee stouts overall, too many average ones, but this one is excellent.  Thick like motor oil and not a coffee bomb. After a few brews and a decent sized, not-so-reluctant Fireball shot (I always say how much I hate it, but Domino always talks me into it), we checked out the bands downstairs.  With a decent buzz, I lost my shit to Floridian high-speed experts Shitstorm. Totally relentless sonic punishment. These guys rule.  I even got kicked in the face during their set, and it was totally worth it.  We got the bum's rush at 3am, and drunkenly convinced an off-duty cab driver to take us back to the motel. 

Rare Brew Jawa sighting in DC!

Saturday I awoke at 9am unsure of what to do. Whenever I'm in a new city, I tend to sleep less and explore more. Then again, not staying close to anything remotely cool was incentive to sleep for another round.  Then again, my pal Dave Witte told me earlier in the week about a DC Beer Fest happening at the Washington Nationals baseball stadium. And they had an afternoon session from 1pm-4pm, exactly the time during this trip when I didn't have any obligations. I didn't buy advance tickets because I wasn't sure what the ride situation would be, or if I'd be too hungover, or too unmotivated to find my way down there solo. While contemplating, I drifted off to sleep again, waking around 11:30am.  Screw it.  I'm going.
A quick shower, avoiding the enormous dead roach on the bathroom floor.  A quick check with my roommate Denunzio who was clearly down for the count, and not joining me.  A quick check-in with the clueless front desk to be sure I was walking the right direction to the Metro station.  Let's do this!

Figuring out public transportation like a big boy

I walked half a mile to the train station, confirmed with a local where I needed to go (turns out it was not even close to the route I read about online a few days ago at home), fumbled with the ticket machine for a city I had no familiarity with. After 35 minutes and a switch from the Red Line to the Green Line, I had arrived.  Easy access, the stadium was only a block from the Metro station.  On the corner, a Jesus freak with a microphone yelled at the advancing crowd, "Sure, all you want to do is get drunk, but after you get drunk, then what?! Is that what life is all about?"   I followed the throngs of frat boys and girls to my destination, disheartened by most of the conversations I overheard about partying and "getting fucked up".  These were not my people.  These were not beer fans.  They were mostly spoiled 20-somethings with disposable income, who were ready to "branch out" in their beer tasting by trying Shock Top today.  You don't know how right you were, Jesus Guy!

Me and an adorable plastic novelty mug

Being a mid-40s nerd with glasses, a grey beard, and a flannel, I stuck out like a sore thumb, but I didn't give a shit.  I was lost in a sea of Polo shirts, khaki short shorts, dudes wearing pale pastel salmon or pink clothes and flip flops.  Do these people really exist? I've somehow been transported to Cape Cod 1985!  Despite minor panic trying to find a table selling tickets (EVERYONE else who arrived already had tickets, I experienced a moment of horror thinking I wouldn't be able to get in), I made my way into the stadium, with tiny, plastic, novelty beer mug in hand.
Nationals Stadium was a great spot for the DC Beer Festival because there was plenty of room to move around, and no chance of it selling out.  However, for a Beer Fest they were laughably unprepared for beer drinking on that scale by the thousands who arrived.  No water stations whatsoever.  Any beer fest worth its salt needs to have free and plentiful water dispensers, common sense... keep these thousands of drinkers hydrated!  You're just asking for trouble, and a lot of puke, when 4 o'clock rolls around.  Another complaint, practically no food options.  Of course, I'm probably spoiled living in LA, the World's capitol of plentiful food trucks. Only four stadium food windows were open and they offered the usual array of ballpark snacks, which are akin to a 10 year old boy's diet:  Chicken fingers, hot dogs, pretzels, soda, water.  I stocked up on a couple waters, which were mandatory considering how hot this afternoon was, and how little shade there was.  Another reason to hate this event was the practically ever-present DJ music blaring in every goddamn direction. At 1:30 in the afternoon, while I'm sampling beer and trying to ask the brewer a question, it's not necessary to have Biggie Smalls overpowering our conversation at volume 11.  Annoying as hell, to say the least.  The Cape Cod brats seemed to love it, so clearly it wasn't geared for me anyway.

I hate this DJ and all he represents

I had scoured the list of breweries well in advance, and I was genuinely excited to check out some East Coast brewers with limited distribution, some of which I'd never heard of before. Aside from the great variety of breweries, a big plus for this fest was unlimited pours. Most of the folks pouring didn't listen when I told them I only wanted a half-pour.  I was in it to sample and enjoy as many different beers as possible, not get as drunk as possible, after all I had to perform with the band tonight! 
I was lucky enough to try some new brews from old favorites, and discovered numerous new breweries I'd never tried before that clearly knew what they were doing.  The Pros outweighed the Cons:  Smuttynose, Perennial, Burley Oak, The Brewer's Art, Champion, Capitol City, Lost Rhino, Williamsburg Alewerks, Devil's Backbone....

Post Beer Fest, trippin' balls...

Not really buzzed, under control, and slightly burnt out on IPAs, I Metroed by way back to our shitbag motel in Silver Spring. The Saturday night show actually started and ended earlier than the Friday show, but we didn't realize that until it was already 7pm.  We were still in Silver Spring, and only 3 more bands until we played.  Dammit, we needed to get to the church, ASAP!  Luckily, we made it with time to spare.  The Infest set went off with only minor hiccups.  I couldn't hear a damn thing on stage, aside from Matt's guitar, but everyone did their usual nutty stage dives, and amidst the chaos, we had a great time.
Best friend and beer guru Dave Witte made the drive up, with an old UK pal Jamie Thomson in tow.  As usual, Dave came prepared, with several bottles of high-quality brew.  Jamie pointed out how in our teenage punk rock years, it would have been typical to hang out at the car and drink.  Here we were 30 years later doing the same thing, except nerding out about barrel-aged stouts and the subtleties of a persimmon saison.  Ha!

Thomson & Domino: Drinkin by the car, mid-40s style

Dave had to drive back to Richmond, VA, so Domino and I made our way to the after-show, like the night before, again at The Pinch.  This evening we missed all of the bands downstairs, and instead spent our time chatting with show-goers, one of which spilled my Evolution Stout in Matt's lap, resulting in a complimentary round of Great Lakes Eliot Ness. Good one. Thanks for taking one for the team, Matt! Again, we drank and caroused until they shut the doors at 3am. Jose from Los Crudos let us tag along to a party around the block, where we topped off the morning with some H2O, er, I mean Coors Light. 5am bedtime.  What could possibly go wrong Sunday?
Everything went wrong Sunday.  We were scheduled to play a quick afternoon show before our flight home.  The show started at 12:30pm, which was about the time everyone in our entourage started waking up. Only two opening bands. Factor in how long it takes to get any group moving, but especially this cast of characters who alternately
A. Need a smoke.
B. Need something to drink.
C. Need something to eat.
D. Need to take a shit.
E. Need to stop and talk to someone random
and it's a cookbook chock full of recipes for tardiness and idiocy. Coupled with drummer/driver Bob Kasitz's inability to follow even the most rudimentary of directions (not to mention he parked 12 blocks from the venue) and it was a frickin' miracle we showed up in time to play. It was a small show in an art institute in front of maybe 150 people, a more interactive & intimate setting compared to the 600+ folks who saw us the night before. Lots of high speed, lots of smiles and good vibes, a perfect corker to the weekend.  I feel like an asshole missing the two opening bands though.

Apparently some people have to be told

By then, it was already time to head to the airport for our painfully long journey home; instead of a 5 hour direct flight, we had a 3hr 20min flight to Dallas, a 2hr layover, and another 3hr 20min flight to LAX. A man who will happily admit he's a horrible driver, Bobby took us on the worst possible route directly through the center of the city, full of tourists and cherry blossom viewers, a 1.5 mile stretch that took a good hour to navigate.  I fumed silently in the back seat, oblivious to all of the jokes Domino was cracking.  Once we finally hit the freeway and were cruising, he missed the enormous sign with the arrow pointing to the Ronald Reagan Airport, and instead took the highway BACK into town, with no exits for the first 5 miles. Bob punched the steering wheel, and lurched all over the highway in frustration, nearly causing Denunzio to hurl in the front seat.  After finally, and feebly, returning to the Airport, Bob then announced he needed to find a gas station to fill his rental car.  The verbal bludgeoning that followed him over the course of the afternoon is unparalleled in the history of the English language.
By some Act Of God or freak of nature, despite our endless buffoonery, we somehow caught our flight with 10 minutes to spare prior to boarding.  The stress of the past few hours was weighing on me, and I realized it was after 6pm and I hadn't eaten a single thing all day.  The airport deli was mercifully quick, and I sank into my aisle seat, relieved as hell that I was going to sleep in my own bed tonight, even though my front door was still a good 9 hours away.   Another intense, ridiculous, brew-filled, unreal weekend, capped off by a solid night's sleep in my comfy bed, out like a light. Sans magical stripper dreams.

The tally continues....

Sunday 4/6 - Another substantial beer tasting at Vendome, Studio City, thanks to Harley the Cicerone:

• BROOKLYN BREWERY WILD STREAK WILD ALE AGED IN BOURBON BARRELS - Beer #535, Brought in as a bottle-share by a fellow taster, golden and tasty with mild wild funk
• THE BRUERY SOUR IN THE RYE - Beer #536, mild pucker, well-balanced, rye barrelly goodness
• ADELBERT'S BREWERY FLYIN MONKS QUADRUPEL - Beer #537, Creamy and yeasty with a woody barrel bite
• SHMALTZ BREWING HE'BREW R.I.P.A. ON RYE - Beer #538, Rye & barrel tastiness with a slight bite
• HARDYWOOD PARK SIDAMO COFFEE STOUT RESERVE SERIES - Beer #539, Richmond, VA beer I brought in for the bottle share, thanks to Mr. Witte. Caramelly & smooth.
• CISMONTANE BREWING T.J. SLOUGH - Beer #540, brown sugar, caramel, sweeter than I was expecting, but still a nice big beer
• CORONADO BREWING BARREL AGED OLD SCALLYWAG - Beer #541, Barleywine in oak bourbon barrels? I'm listenin'...
• DESCHUTES MIRROR MIRROR BARLEYWINE 2014 - Beer #542, Label says you're supposed to hold onto this until 2015. Is Deschutes too lazy to hold onto it & bottle at the proper time? No matter, it tastes great now!
• LADYFACE ALEHOUSE DERAILEUR BARREL AGED SAISON - Beer #543, bottle share growler courtesy of Mr. Harley himself. Citrusy, evenly balanced farmhouse deliciousness.
• FIRESTONE WALKER SUCABA BARLEYWINE 2013 - Beer #544, Whoa! Candy in a glass, heavy vanilla, hope you're ready for dessert.

 Monday 4/7 - Home

• RUHSTALLER OLD SOUL THE KENYAN RED ALE WITH COFFEE - Beer #545, Crazy good, I love the idea of a non-stout coffee beer, complex, well done

Tuesday 4/8 - Home

• EVIL TWIN LOW LIFE PILSNER - Beer #546, A joke on Miller High Life perhaps? Love this brewery, but didn't love this pilsner. Ordinary.

Wed 4/9 & Thurs 4/10 - Home, not feeling great, no beer, total bust

Friday 4/11 - DC via Cleveland

• GREAT LAKES BREWING RYE OF THE TIGER – Beer #547, Perfect pit stop for our layover at the Cleveland Airport, Great Lakes Brewing has their own brewpub spot on site.  Decent food, above average beer.  This Rye IPA was a full-bodied treat.
• GREAT LAKES BREWING EDMUND FITZGERALD PORTER – Beer #548, Took a few sips off Joe Denunzio’s pint.  Nice one.  Not unique, but good everyday porter.
• SCHLITZ – Beer #549, Tallboy can at the Red Derby, DC. I had no idea it was still around, and it’s surprisingly not bad for a cheap, old man beer
• MAUI BREWING COCONUT PORTER – Beer #550, Took a few sips from Alex Sanchez, way tastier than I remember. Slight coconut on the back end, but I get mostly chocolate out of this.  Very good.
• BUTTERNUT’S BEER AND ALE PORK SLAP PALE ALE – Beer #551, Another Red Derby can from a NY brewery I don’t see back home.  Tastes like piney juniper berries, not unpleasant, but I wouldn’t be able to drink more than one in a single sitting.
• EVOLUTION CRAFT BREWING RISE UP STOUT – Beer #552, On tap at The Pinch.  This one is impressive.  Enough of a balance so it’s not an annoying and cloying coffee-bomb.  We went back for more the following night.  I’ve been burning out on coffee stouts overall, but I love this one. 

Saturday 4/12 - harDCore - Beer Fest and more!

• PORT CITY TARTAN ALE - Beer #553, Good one
• LOST RHINO BREWING FACE PLANT IPA – Beer #554, Poured from a can, after one look at the packaging I wasn’t expecting much, but this was very good, straight forward, I’d have no problem drinking this as an everyday beer.
• LOST RHINO BREWING RHINO CHASERS PILSNER – Beer #555, See above.  Really liked this one.  Way more character than your average pilsner.
• SCHLAFLY AMERICAN IPA – Beer #556, Great IPA bite.  Been wanting to try this brewery for a while.
• SMUTTYNOSE NOONAN BLACK IPA – Beer #557, Wow!  Yum!  Great New Hampshire brewery. The lady representing Smuttynose was super friendly, knowledgeable about what she was pouring, and not oblivious to the fact that she was being subjected to an enormous frat party.
• OLD DOMINION MORNING GLORY ESPRESSO STOUT – Beer #558, Insanely rich with a nice bite of the bean.
• BROOKLYN BREWING SUMMER ALE – Beer #559, decent, easy drinking, non-descript
• SAM ADAMS REBEL IPA – Beer #560, I felt less like a Rebel and more like a Traitor giving this one a try.  Considering how many lackluster SA IPAs I’ve tried, this is one is pretty good, and I think it’s in the corral of some other decent everyday IPAs you wouldn’t be ashamed to drink (Note:  I said “You”). That said, with so many other great options these days, many of which are available at the same price, there’s no reason whatsoever to choose this one.
• LEINENKUGEL’S SUMMER SHANDY – Beer #561, Like a frozen lemonade cup after it has melted.  Refreshing on a hot day like this, but one bottle would be enough.
• ATLAS BREW WORKS ROWDY – Beer #562, Nice graphic aesthetics with this brewery.  Decent rye beer.  Tasty, but I’d like to try what else they have to offer.
• PERENNIAL SAISON DE LIS – Beer #563, Fruity, farmhouse ale, good one, worth the longer wait in line.
• BURLEY OAK BREWING ‘MERICA BROWN IPA - Beer #564, great beer! To go with the obvious... 'Merica, Fuck yeah!
• THE BREWER’S ART OZZY BELGIAN GOLDEN ALE - Beer #565, spice, farmhouse, delicious
• MOTHER EARTH BREWING SISTERS OF THE MOON IPA - Beer #566, From North Carolina, NOT the one from Vista, CA.  Not bad, not a standout either.
• AVIATOR BREWING DEVIL’S TRAMPING GROUND TRIPEL - Beer #567, citrus bite, estery, nice
• LEGEND BREWING BROWN ALE - Beer #568, Richmond, Va, they've got a long way to go, esp with the competition in The Richmond area alone
• BLUE MOUNTAIN BREWERY EVIL 8 BELGIAN STYLE DUBBEL - Beer #569, not bad, bready, yeasty, dark, mild molasses
• BRECKENRIDGE BREWERY VANILLA PORTER ON NITRO - Beer #570, dessert, creamy
• CHAMPION BREWING PACECAR PORTER – Beer #571, chocolatey & good, yum, Charlottesville, VA represent!
• THE DUCK-RABBIT RABID DUCK RUSSIAN IMPERIAL STOUT - Beer #572, NC brew, very nice
• WILLIAMSBURG ALEWERKS SPRINGHOUSE ALE – Beer #573, delicious golden-amber saison, damn good
• EVOLUTION CRAFT BREWING EXILE ESB - Beer #574, OK, didn't love it like I loved their stout though
• Capitol city brewing amber waves ale - Beer #575, hoppy amber ale, very nice
• Sly fox brewing phoenix pale ale – Beer #576, canned in PA, good pale, solid
• SweetWater 420 extra pale ale - Beer #577, pungent, hoppy goodness
• Atwater brewery vanilla java porter – Beer #578, Detroit brewery, nice vanilla porter, but “nice” like all the rest
• Fordham Route 1 session ipa – Beer #579, Delaware brewery, creamy hops, not light like other session IPAs
• Devils backbone pear lager - Beer #580, tasty, easy drinking, not overly fruity, good one, and I happily chose it instead of the billionth IPA
• Smuttynose Durty mud season brown ale - Beer #581, Wow, that's a damn good hoppy brown. The love child of your favorite brown and fave IPA.  Last of my DC Beer Fest brews.
• JACKIE O’S RUM BARREL OIL OF APHRODITE – Beer #582, The venue we played at was All Ages – No Alcohol, so we had a few at Dave Witte’s car.  Anytime I enjoy a bottle from Jackie O’s, I feel like I’ve hit the jackpot.  This was no exception.  A flawless, outstanding Ohio brewery.
• WILLIAMSBURG ALEWERKS BITTER VALENTINE DOUBLE IPA – Beer #583, Freakin’ yummy DIPA, thanks Mr. Witte
• TIRED HANDS THE EMPTINESS IS ETERNAL WINE BARREL FERMENTED PERSIMMON SAISON – Beer #584, Mild hops and tartness, supremely delicious.
• GREAT LAKES ELIOT NESS – Beer #585, Hanging out for the second evening at the “after show” at The Pinch, some fella who sat down to talk to me about the bands knocked over my Evolution Rise Up Stout, spilling it in Matt Domino’s lap.  He bought us both the Eliot Ness on tap.  Wow, really good beer.  Thanks for taking one for the team, Domino!
• COORS LIGHT – Beer #586, Generously offered at some guy’s house party that we crashed around the corner from The Pinch.  Thirst quenching at 4am.  Still, not necessary good.

Sunday 4/13 – Saturday was a late night, so just a couple taps during our layover at the Grease Monkey, Dallas Airport, Terminal D.

• SAINT ARNOLD ELISSA IPA – Beer #587, Tasty & refreshing, even moreso after a 3.5 hour flight.
• FRANCONIA WHEAT – Beer #588, Damn good, impressive for a wheat beer, especially for an airport bar selection. Full bodied, unfiltered, really like it.

Monday 4/14 - Home

• AMERICAN RIVER BREWING COLOMA BROWN ALE – Beer #589, Bottle I picked up recently in NorCal.  Pretty good.  Actually liked it better when I finished the bottle a day later.

Tuesday 4/15 - Home

• SANTA CRUZ ALE WORKS IPA – Beer #590, See above.

Wednesday 4/16 - Home

• LAKEFRONT BREWERY ANNIVERSARY SERIES BELGIAN STYLE APRICOT ALE - Beer #591, Thankfully not a sweet fruit beer, the apricot is subtle, the yeasty Belgian style lends to it.  Not bad.
• SIERRA NEVADA DEVESTATETION BLACK IPA - Beer #592, taking lemons and making lemonade, or in this case, taking a bad harvest and brewing a killer beer anyway.

Thursday 4/17 - Home

• JOSEPH JAMES RUSSIAN IMPERIAL STOUT AGED IN BOURBON BARRELS - Beer #593, inky and delicious, well done, Comrades!

 Friday 4/18 - Home

• FLYING DOG UNDERDOG ATLANTIC LAGER - Beer #594, Basic lager but better than a Bud, good everyday beer
• ESTRELLA DAMM INEDIT WITBIER - Beer #595, designed by and for some fancy Euro chef, it's mild, yeasty, kinda citrusy, but not a show stopper. They spent more time on the packaging than the beer.  Don't believe the hype.